Have you ever felt like you were on a hamster wheel, running and running and running, and feeling like you are doing so much only to get off the wheel for a second and realize you haven’t moved at all…..
“Hamster wheel-ing it” has become my new saying.
I’m swamped right now. I love my job, but it’s never ending. Working at a PBL school that is creating change in education isn’t a simple 8-5 job. In fact, if I didn’t totally believe in everything it stands for and work with the greatest people in the country who support and love me, there’s no way I could do it. I’m also going to grad school online to get my masters. Which pretty much equates to two papers and a discussion board a week plus reading two chapters of a textbook that I need an open dictionary beside me to comprehend. All of that is hard. I know I sound like a brat. I’m so thankful for the opportunities that I have to do both of these, but it’s hard.
Most days I get home and I finish plans for the next day and do grad school only to fall into bed because I’ll wake up at 4:30 the next morning to go run and get to work. It’s a constant. And sometimes it can feel incredibly lonely. Even being surrounded by people.
I feel like the hamster on the wheel running and running as fast as my legs can possibly go….working and doing things yet all the while more things are piling up infront of me to do. Never feeling like I can “catch up”. Because I just feel like I’m spinning my wheels.
I feel like I’m running and doing so much each day and yet at the end of the day when I fall into bed, I feel like I’ve done nothing to advance his kingdom because I was so busy trying to just keep my legs going.
I’m thankful for these blessings….but it’s also hard.
Today, as I was crying my eyes out because test scores aren’t what I wanted, because friendships aren’t working how I wanted, because I’m exhausted from writing two papers from grad school today, and because I’m sick and trying to push through, I told a friend I was tired of being the hamster. Tired of going nowhere fast.
And as I tapped the send button, Jesus whispered to my soul….”but you’re training for something. That’s why you have to stay on the wheel right now.” “you’re going no where fast because you aren’t ready to run until I say run.”
As hard as it is, as impatient as I am, Jesus has me on this wheel for a reason. He has me in this season for a reason. And I can breath in knowing there’s a reason for it all. I can breath knowing “he uses all things for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose”
If you feel like you’re “hamster wheel-ing it”, breath and know that you’re training for a reason. If you feel like you’re running around like a chicken with your head cut off and you can’t even catch your breath…that everything around you is hustle and bustle and do this and do that while feeling like you are lacking any true work for the kingdom, keep pushing….keep training…and keep your eyes on him….He’s training you for something HUGE.